


forgiveness requires a forgivable sin

by MMonster



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Brainwashing, Character Death, F/M, Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con, Rape/Non-con Elements, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-05
Updated: 2018-04-05
Packaged: 2019-04-18 19:47:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14220477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MMonster/pseuds/MMonster
Summary: When getting what you want is what destroys you.





	forgiveness requires a forgivable sin

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not really a SkyeWard shipper. But I was watching some videos of them on youtube and this idea hit me. It's not the most original plot, so if someone has already written it I apologize. Either way, it's my take on it.

Skye loved her husband with everything she had and then some, but she didn't always understand him. 

She knew he had it hard. Saving the world was not an easy job, even if Hydra was finally winning the war and there were more resources at hand than ever. But he was a good man and sometimes that can make doing the right thing difficult. Some nights he came home with blood on his hands and his naturally quiet, taciturn demeanor was somehow quieter and heavier. That part she did understand. She knew to wait, help him clean up, quietly offer him food or bourbon. She knew to hold him tight when he finally let her and not to ask, but to listen if he did want to talk. 

One thing she did not understand was that look on his face that he got sometimes. Shortly after they were married, she went with him to a decoration ceremony in which he was awarded a medal for apprehending the last S.H.I.E.L.D. operatives and ensuing Hydra's victory over the oppressing organization. She was so happy and proud of him that her cheeks hurt from smiling by the time it was over. He left the podium and saw her grinning at him, but instead of giving her one of his small, meaningful smiles, his face froze into a stony expression. He sat beside her but didn't look at her, not even when she talked to him. He mumbled a "thank you" when she told him how proud she was. He was cold and distant all night, no matter how much she tried to engage him. She was used to his untalkative personality, but this was different.

By the time they were home, Skye had tried to get him to tell her what was wrong in a dozen different ways. He was taking off his Hydra uniform in the bedroom, back to her, meticulously hanging it. She was asking him how he felt about such an honor. Her smile was long gone by this point. He told her he was happy and proud, but his voice was empty of feeling. She sat down on the edge of the bed. When he turned around, she was crying. 

"Did I do something?" She asked. He stood there, shocked. "Why are you so unhappy, sir? Is it me? Am I not being a go-good wife? How-how can I be better?" Tears slid down her face. She sobbed. The thought that she had done something, anything, to upset him, threatened to choke her. It was the worst feeling in the world. 

His demeanor changed instantly. He took her in his arms and curled up on the bed with her, holding her to him so tightly it was hard to breathe, telling her how perfect she is and how much he loves her. Five minutes in, she had stopped crying, but he had started. Wracking, visceral sobs rose from inside of him and shook them both as they were begrudgingly released. Between telling her she is perfect and that he loves her, he started apologizing. "I'm so sorry, Skye, so-so sorry." He begged her to forgive him, that he was sorry and loved her so much, so much, he was weak and couldn't be without her. But every time she forgave him or told him he had never done anything wrong, it seemed to make it worse. So she stopped speaking and just held him back. It went like this for a long time, his litany predictable but gut wrenching every time it started again. "You are perfect" "I love you" "I am so sorry" "Please, forgive me".

She didn't understand it. At all. None of it. But she held him anyways, let him cry on her hair, was happy to be there for him. And when he pushed away only enough to take her lips she didn't mind the wetness or puffiness of his face. She let him take her, she wanted him to, made sure to tell him that she wanted him and loved him back so much. Tears still slid down his face, but he wasn't sobbing anymore. It was slow and inexplicably bittersweet. Maybe it was the taste of his tears.

In the morning, everything was mostly normal again. She was jumpy and careful around him. She wasn't afraid of him, of course. Skye knew Ward would never harm her, even though she was aware that it was common within Hydra. She just never wanted to see him so sad ever again, so shattered. If something she had done had provoked it, then she was trying her hardest not to do it again. She cleaned meticulously, cooked only the things she knew he loved the most, was clean and ready by the time he got home. At night, she initiated contact. For a long while, even though she could sense he wasn't okay, it all seemed to be enough. 

One night, a long time after, they were lying in post-coital haze, he had his left arm under her neck, his hand playing with her hair. She was about to fall asleep when his smooth, low voice awoke her. 

"Remember the decoration I received last year?" He asked, softly.

How could she forget?

"Yes, sir."

He took a deep breath.

"It wasn't all true. I mean, yes, I was responsible for apprehending the last of S.H.I.E.L.D." He added, before she could think anything of him saying that something Hydra had claimed was a lie. "But one of them was still in holding until today." Skye knew Hydra protocol. After the enemy agents were captured, they were either terminated or reassigned. To be in 'holding' meant that said enemy agents were still being interrogated. "He left today, in a body bag." There was admiration in his voice. Skye was puzzled. 

"What does that mean, sir?"

He looked at her, his eyes intently studying her expression. It was slightly unnerving, but she didn't look away. 

"It means Phil Coulson died without telling us anything."

"Oh." So, it was a loss for Hydra. She frowned at that. He kept looking at her, as if expecting something more. 

Innocently, desperately wanting to meet whatever expectation she could see on his face, she added.

"I'm sorry you couldn't get more information." 

He nodded, but his jaw clenched and he looked away. There was a heaviness in the air that there wasn't before. Skye felt harried and afraid. She did something wrong, again.

He turned back to her and gave her a fake, tight smile.

"I'm going to take a shower, baby."

They usually showered together after sex. She started getting up to accompany him, but he held her back by her shoulders and told her he needed a moment alone.

She curled up, clutched her knees and cried until he got out. Then she turned around and pretended to be sleeping. She heard him trying to keep silent beside her. He didn't touch her all night. 

In the morning, nothing was normal. They went through the motions, but it was fake, tight. When he left it was a relief. She cleaned and cooked. When he got back, he ignored the redness of her eyes.

That night, they laid in bed together, looking at the ceiling. Skye's angst at the situation was threatening to choke her. She didn't know what else to do. She tried initiating contact with him, but he softly pushed her away and told her he was tired. But he wasn't sleeping. He was just there. She couldn't hold it in. 

"Please, sir, tell me what to do to make this better? Please? Anything you want?" She begged him. He closed his eyes, jaw tight. 

"There is nothing you can do." Even as he said the words, his voice was soft. "You are not her. It's not your fault, it's mine, but you're not her." He sounded broken as he said that.

Skye felt like she was dying. He turned towards her, took her head in his hands.

"Yo-you love someone else?" She sobbed in despair.

"Yes." He kissed her forehead and wiped her tears away.

"Who is-is she?" Skye thought she deserved to know who would replace her.

"Her name was Skye. She was the strongest, bravest, most stubborn person I ever met. She was good, sweet and kind." His fingers ran over her face as he told her. She was wide-eyed and still heaving slightly, but she had stopped crying. "I loved... love her more than anything else in the world." He got so close to her she could see the pupils of his dark eyes even in the poor light. "I killed her, I killed her because I was too selfish to let her go, to not be with her." He continued, tears slid down his face. "But now I know she is gone. I didn't realize before, I didn't see that I could live with not being with her if I knew she was out there somewhere, with the people she loves. But I was stupid and selfish and I thought that even if I could only have a half-love, a fabricated love, but with her, it would be enough. I didn't realize I couldn't live with knowing that she is not anywhere, anymore."

She griped his arms. 

"What are you saying?" Skye begged.

"I am saying that I'm sorry and I love you, so much, but I can't do this anymore."

"Sir..." She started, as she was programmed to. But she stopped. "Grant..." She tried, it didn't feel right. "Ward?" Her voice was small, as small as she felt, but his eyes shone. He kissed her forehead and held her hand, but turned towards the bedside drawer and took out his spare gun. He put it on the bed, between them. His hands went back to her.

"I wish so much, so much, that I could bring you back, Skye." He told her, but she thought it was like he was seeing someone else in her place. "But... but... I'm too much of a coward. I can't bring you back to this world. You would hate me so much." His voice broke at the word 'hate'. "You already did before, but this..." He was so big, but he looked small too. "I-I brainwashed you. I took everyone you cared about from you. I didn't give the final blow but I murdered Coulson and May and FitzSimmons. I... I..." He took a deep breath, looked square in her eyes. "I raped you. I violated you in every way someone can violate another. And I did all of that telling myself I was doing it because I loved you." He looked broken, lost.

"No, no, you didn't, you didn't! I love you, you never hurt me, never! Sir... Ward, please. This is... You could never hurt me! I love you!" Skye despaired, but he shushed her, shook his head and rested his fingers over her mouth. He was crying earnestly now. 

"I have to hurt you one last time to set you free, Skye." His words had a finality that terrified her. She started shaking her head, pushing him away, but he held her tight by the arms.

"Stay still." He ordered and she stilled. Like a frighted animal she watched him let go of her and pick up the gun. He checked the bullets, clicked the safety off. Instinct screamed at her to run, but she couldn't. He gave her a direct order. She had to obey. So, she did.

He took a deep breath, pulled her body closer to his until their foreheads were touching. Skye felt the gun being pressed against the back of her head, exactly the middle. It was a big gun, but his hand didn't shake because of its weight. He kissed her unresponsive lips one last time, breathed her in deeply. His unoccupied hand was caressing her cheek. He was sobbing when he told her.

"I love you." A shaking breath. "Please, forgive me."

There was an infinite moment of stillness. He pulled the trigger. 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> ...feedback, please?
> 
> *hides*


End file.
